when you feel the need to laugh, or cry, or scream into the void

do it. you were created to feel deeply.

the world wants you to stifle your feelings.

better, to only feel when they say so.

for what they want you to feel for

but if you feel the urge to cry at that beautiful painting in your local antique shop, do it. don’t explain.

if you feel the need to laugh at those two squirrels that seem to be chasing each other up and down that ugly tree outside your window. laugh till they think you’re crazy. who cares?

if you’re upset, allow yourself the space to sit in your feelings. to dwell for a bit. you don’t have to find a distraction. just be.

you’re allowed to feel. it’s not a crime.

how we act is a different lesson entirely, but we can feel.

we can surely do that, my friend.

after all, so did our Creator

“Jesus wept.”

—John 11:35

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart.”

—Jeremiah 1:5

Growing up, I didn’t know the Lord. I didn’t even go to church. That just wasn’t something we did as a family. I knew a few bible stories, like Noah & the Ark, the story of Exodus (barely, thanks to The Prince of Egypt), and Joseph the dreamer. I barely understood the resurrection of Jesus and had not a single clue what His resurrection meant for me.

I remember a few times I did go to church. My first church memory—I must’ve been between 4 & 6 years old—we were at a church & I just remember drawing pictures with the other kids. It was almost like school; it was fun, but I don’t remember going back.

Another time, my Grandma took me when she visited us on vacation, and that was the first time I was introduced to communion. And can you imagine the horror I felt as a seven-year-old when I thought these people were actually drinking Jesus’ blood? Not to mention, why was the guy with the microphone yelling? Let’s say I really hoped we wouldn’t go back.

Then I can think back on times I stepped foot into German cathedrals, and how the organ scared me. I always thought those churches were scary places; I never liked going there. (Silly enough, I wish I could visit everyone last one of these churches now)

I remember us having bedtime prayers at least:

Now I lay me down to sleep (you know the rest)

& a short German prayer with a similar premise

I loved praying with my family before bed, but I barely knew the words I was praying. And even then, a prayer about making sure I’m right with God before I die wasn’t the most wonderful prayer to pray at night. I mean…I didn’t even know this God.

Not until I was 17. Broken, lonely, ashamed, and good at hiding it too. We finally started going to church a year prior, but still, I didn’t know Him. At this point, I thought church was just something people did to feel better and socialize.

I was still hiding in the darkness I’d allowed to surround me.

God told me I didn’t have to hide from Him. He met me in that dark place. Grabbed my hand and said, “I’m here for you.”

But I didn’t realize until years later that He also said, “As I’ve always been.”

See, I didn’t know Yahweh growing up. I didn’t think much of Jesus.

But He knew me and He thought about me all the time. And somehow I’m even more thankful.

Sure, there may have been things I wouldn’t have gone through, things I could have avoided if I had known Him growing up.

But the fact that I get to reflect on His faithfulness during a time when I didn’t even know His name is so powerful.

He fought for me. He protected me. He got me out of gutters I constantly threw myself in, all without me knowing who He was.

Reflecting on that gives me such assurance for the future.

He is a God who keeps His word. He is a God who keeps His promises.

He is always there. He is always listening.

He is my protector, the Savior of my soul

He cares for His children, and He is relentless in doing so.

And I’m forever in awe that He allowed me to seek & find Him before my time on earth is over.

If you’re reading this and you don’t know Jesus, may I encourage you that He’s never once stopped thinking about you…

And He never will.

Thanks for reading, friend. May the Lord bless & keep you.

—Tania, the storyteller

Recently, I had the pleasure of watching a family member get married! It was a gorgeous garden wedding—the officiant spoke beautiful and true words, the bridal party looked dashing, and the weather wasn’t as hot as I’d thought it’d be (still too hot though haha). The bride was radiant, her smile as she saw her groom even more so. Halfway during the ceremony, I began to feel very emotional—I’d love to just blame it on the fact that I’m a very emotional person, but it was more than that. In that moment, the officiant had told the couple to hold hands and to look one another in the eyes. Not saying a word but just taking each other in.

When they looked away after a moment, he told them, “keep looking, I want you to really take this moment in.” He wanted them to remember this, so they could look back on it in the future. For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.

When I heard him say that to them, it convicted me. The Lord—the bridegroom to His bride, the church (my brethren in Christ & myself)—also had this moment with us. One we tend to forget when turbulent waters threaten to engulf us in their chaos. Or when our minds are jam-packed with a million unnecessary tasks and thoughts. Or when we stumble back into sinful habits (and the guilt that comes with it).

The moment that became the pillar to our marriage:

The work on the cross.

When the Bridegroom took on our burdens and vowed Himself to His bride. This is what we need to remember when the enemy is hard at work to separate us. In the Holy Book it says, “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Matthew 19:6 Let no one—no thing, no struggle, no hardship—separate. This is commitment. This is covenant. And you know what? This is the only marriage covenant where the groom is 100% Holy, good, and all-knowing. We as the bride are flawed, deeply, but the Groom’s holiness will cover us. Because when two marry, they become one. So this life on earth, it’s not easy, there’s so much trying to tear us away from our Groom, but if we keep the pivotal moment of the cross in our hearts and minds, our marriage will flourish.

I hope you are encouraged today, Friend. May your weekend be filled with peace, rest, and the presence of the Lord.

—Tania, the storyteller